I've Caught Up on My Laundry;Have You?

So, I've been away for awhile but I've been trying to get my love life together. It worked. My fiance and I are going strong. I came to the conclusion that there is no other person in this world I would rather be with than him. He's been with me through so much and he makes me happy when I let him make me happy. It was just a matter of me opening my heart and letting him back in. Our wedding is in two years and getting excited to plan the wedding. I just hope I don't become a bridezilla in the process because I do have a temper. Other than that my life has been eh okay. I got layed off from my job but it's not as bad as you think. I've come to realize everything happens for a reason. Maybe it means it's time for me to sit down and finish writing my books that I have been working on for the past couple of months. I need to be focused and dedicated in which I am but I'm not. I tell myself that I have writer's block but does writer's block actually exist or is it your mind playing tricks on you, discouraging you from the task at hand? The thing is to stay focused which is hard for me because I am in no way linear and my mind wanders easily. I come to find that this makes writing a novel difficult because first I feel that I have to write in order but I know that I don't. Second, I get distracted and Third, I want everything to flow and make sense the first time around which never happens when you are writing a book. I have so many preconceived notions in my head of how a book should be written and I instead need to focus on just writing, not about how it is done but just do it.

Clean clothes that can't be put away

So it's Thursday night and I'm at home. I usually go out to the club to go see my bouncer and have a good time out with friends. Tonight, everything is amiss. I'm engaged and don't know if I want to be. I am in love but not sure I want to be. I don't want anyone else but the feeling of being surpressed is all around me. I can't breathe and it's getting worse and worse. I think I am in need of a change and fast. It seems everything is going down the same path that I wanted to leave in the past. I don't want to hurt anyone not even myself because I know with whatever decision I make I will. Someone save me from this mundane life of mine. I need excitement and change. Stop!!!! Before I made my decision there were too many signs that pointed to this engagement. The random guy saying he would marry me to the guy saying congrats on the engagement. There were just too many signs pointing to the obvious decision I needed to make. I'm happy but then I question is he right? Is he it? If he is then why can't I make myself want to be with him? Why can't I be turned on by him without my having to go without sex for a month? This isn't about you but it's about me. I'm not sure if I'm cut out to be the best thing for you because you are way too good to me. You love me despite my failure to love you the way I should. You compromise to keep me near but I can't compromise just to keep back the fear. I don't want to be rash but this could be our last chance. The more you are away the more I want to be free but want you near me. The more you are near the more I can't stand to have you here but the more I fear. My head spins from the back and forth but I can't make a decision not now, not tonight. I remember romantic nights with everyone I've been with but you. Where are our romantic nights and love making sessions? I made love to him but he did not make love back. I've made love to a random stranger and I could feel the connection but our connection has been interupted. Come back online maybe just one more time.

Dirty Dirty Clothes taking up space

I am extremely in need and I want to give in. I want him more and more every time I see him or talk to him. I want him to sex me so hard I come like a river. I can't help but want him in my life everyday. I don't understand this feeling. I love him so much but I don't want him to touch me but in my mind all i can think about is him giving it to me so good. Why am I so confused? Can you help me stop the ruse. If you didn't plead and beg would I let you in bed? If you could stop being a bitch would I let you touch my clit? If you would let me be in more control I would let you be my soul? If you just told me the truth would we be different and end the dance? I know what you want and that's me. Just let yourself be free with me because you already are. I know you want me in more way than one and the thing is that we have the sex but what about the rest? The relationship? Forget the girl that you are with because I'm better for you and your dick. I make you want to cheat that's why we can't be deeper than what we are. You want all of me but the sex is the only thing that you can have so far. Or do we already have it all and I just have given the signal of acquittal? Jealousy is our foreplay and conversation is our sex but still what about the rest? I'm married to you, I feel it in my soul but is this right for us, do we make the perfect mold? We used to fit so good and you used to be my food but now you are nothing more than garbage, waste. Where's the happy ending we have been seeing? It's at the end of the hall that we can't reach because I'm in love with him and he in love with me but she is in love with he that is not him and him not in love with her but she. Maybe they need to understand the love of each other before they both can love we.

Too much laundry

So I've been away for a minute and accumulated too much laundry. Let's start off with the fact that my ex boyfriend and I have been through way too many ups and downs lately. First off, there is a previous post where I told you he wasn't talking to me anymore. Well, that lasted about a week and then we talked it out and I told him all the things that I've done and we got back to a kewl place. I actually kind of fell in love with him again. Then my sister's wedding came around and everything changed. The whole time I was there I wanted to be getting married and it didn't help that my family already thought that my ex and I should get married and that I was going to be the next one to be married. I, however, start crushing on one of the groomsmen and that's when everything changed again. I suddenly didn't want to be tied down to one person but to be free to roam and do whatever I want. I get back and my entire attitude has changed. All of sudden I feel the same way towards him as I used to. That feeling of resentment and just all around being annoyed with him. So, the past couple of weeks have been quite stressful. They also have been some of the most amazing weeks ever or rather should I say interesting. At first my ex and I were just kewl with being friends and then he started to realize that he was too in love with me for that and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He asked me to marry him. I'm speechless. I for one can not come to a decision right now about marriage because of the mentality I have about relationships in general. It seems like he is pressuring me to come to a decision, not about marriage but our relationship in general. I can't wrap my mind around why I treat him the way I do. Maybe it's because of the past before we started dating. The taking advantage of how innocent I was and now I'm subconsciously letting those feelings play out in real life without realizing it. I resent him so much but that still doesn't mean I should treat him this way. I care about him and but right now making that big of a decision can not happen. I'm 23 and just trying to live life.
Another problem that arises is the one of sex. I've decided that I'm going to be celibate for awhile well at least we will see how long this lasts. I still am very much wanting my military man but he has a girl and it's starting to get complicated well not really. The thing is that military man and I enjoy each others company as well as we enjoy talking to each other. I mean when you get to the point where a conversation is better than having sex with someone then that tends to mean something. That could also cause problems. The thing is that military man likes me a lot more than he is willing to admit and it is quite obvious. From the fact he enjoys my company and wants to have relations with me to when I'm at the club he has the tendency to stare at me and watch what I'm doing(He's a bouncer as well if you were wondering). I actually think that we enjoy way too much making each other jealous but at the same time we have to act like we aren't because we just have sex with each other. It's actually quite amusing. Enough about him. I could just talk about him for hours. So the ex gets upset with the fact that I'm so kewl with having sex with another guy and doing things with this guy opposed to him. I get that I'm wrong for that I know. I just have a problem with having sex with my ex. I don't understand it because when we do have sex I do actually enjoy it. I guess I just don't want him to know that. I don't want him to have control of the sex because he was in control of it for so long. I have a lot to think about and I can't come to a conclusion. Maybe that means I need a vacay pronto if only....

Finally no laundry...well....maybe

I for once do not have any laundry to air or get clean. I've been on this being somewhat truthful kick which has the possibility to get me in trouble. I broke up with the boy and I'm happy about it. If you read my last post and other post of mine then you know how I feel about relationships and what not. If you haven't then I'll let you know that I really am not feeling relationships. I think the idea of being with one person right now is not right for me. I like the idea of having sex with whomever if I wanted too but that's not the case. I have the option to get sex on the regular from plenty of dudes but I'm addicted to one guy and one guy only at the moment (reference the post below). I know it seems I talk about sex a lot and guys a lot and I do because I'm very much boy crazy and very much into sex. Don't get me wrong, I do not just sleep with whomever, I mean sometimes shit happens but you know what I'm getting at. You know talking about sex brought a thought to my mind. So the idea of the friend with benefits and cut buddy is a very interesting topic of discussion. One of my new favorite blogs, singleblackmale.net talked about this topic some months ago and he was explaining the difference between a cut buddy and a friend with benefits. Obviously, I get the difference but what confuses me is that one person who isn't really a friend but seems more than a cut buddy. How is this possible? Well, let me give an example. I have a guy who puts it on a chick on the regular and mind you he don't know the chick that well so I would classify him as a cut buddy but then after sex he tends to have a conversation which throws me because if you are cut buddies then you need not know any personal information about each other besides are you clean. You about getting it in and that's about it. So, the conversation tends to be about significant others and family and birthdays and things that friends would talk about. However, they never have hung out in a setting that does not include a bed. Initially, when this guy and chick started talking it was as they were going to date each other but that quickly changed. So, I ask the question, is it that this guy feels bad just using chick for sex so he feels the need to be somewhat on the friend level even though it's not like they go out and have a cup of joe together or lunch? Or does this guy actually still kind of feel chick on another level but has reasons or circumstances that make that impossible?

Sexy Dirty Laundry

So, I've been in sort of a slump lately when it comes to the attraction of men. I feel like I've been wearing repellent or something. Well, that's not entirely true. I can attract guys but the problem is that they are never my type. I also tend to have a few men in my Rolodex who are my type but they are only good for two things: sex and dinner. Mostly sex. I must say the idea of going without sex for even one day seems a little harsh to me. It's like I've become addicted to sex since the introduction to some good in my life. The one guy who has me begging for him to give it to me every minute of everyday is a military man who has a body that makes me melt and knows how to put it on me.
Sunday seemed like a dream nothing more than a mere fantasy. The mood was set perfect with candles burning and R. Kelly playing in the background. I walk in amazed at how he always knows what to do to make the night right. He leans against the wall and pulls me closer to him as he kisses my lips. He then moves his hands down to my pants and slowly unbuttons them while kissing me slowly. My mind is focused only on him. Not on the fact that I have boyfriend who loves me or on my ex who hates me but still loves me and paying for my apartment. I'm focused only on him with his beautiful eyes and sexy arms and amazing stomach. He's like an ice cream sundae on a hot summer day. He slowly leads me to the bed and that's when the real fun begins. His fingers run all down my body while my lips kiss every inch of his. Slowly I move down towards his penis and begin to pleasure him orally. His penis feels amazing in my mouth and I love how I make him moan. He cups my breast and starts to gently suck on them. We both seem to just melt into each other. Soon enough our bodies are so intertwined its like chocolate and vanilla swirl. The night seems to go on for hours but soon enough we climax together and we see the sun rise. The night ended too quickly and he had to be back to his post. On the drive back we have this amazing conversation. I always find it weird how much closer I feel to him after we've had sex when in all actuality we barely know each other. Sometimes I wish we were together but he's good for one thing well more than one thing but that's not what our relationship is meant to be. That's what makes the time between us special.
If only this was true. Can you tell me what's fact and what's fiction? I bet you can't. This is what I would like to happen between me and military man but like I said our relationship is not meant to be that way and that can be applied in more ways than one. He's still the best sex I've ever had but not because his stroke is necessarily the best but because he always makes every encounter very intimate. Not to mention he is living prove of some damn R. Kelly lyrics. So that makes every moment with him sexy dirty and you know you always have laundry after a night of debauchery and fun.

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Now playing: FeFe Dobson - Watch Me Move
via FoxyTunes

Brand New Laundry Old Dirt

So, I've been a bad girl and getting dirty by things of the past. I really think I might kind of be addicted to something that I never in my life thought I would be. It's amazing what something good will do to you. I've also got some new laundry but in the process of getting it dirty already. I am in a relationship if you can call it that. I lost my best friend in the process who also happened to be my ex-boyfriend. I miss him more than I ever thought I would. 4 years thrown away because he couldn't handle me sleeping with someone else which I guess is understandable since he's still in love with me. I never meant to hurt him in anyway and I feel terrible. Everyday I think about him and my heart breaks all over again. I guess I love him more than I realize. It's like the Jazmine Sullivan song, "I Need You Bad." That amazes me but this is what he wanted so he can get over me and I can respect that. Now, this new guy is pretty amazing but I really don't want to be in a relationship. I know the only reason why I am with him is because he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years to be with me. I, however, am at a point in my life where I only want to be by myself and date around. I don't want to be promiscuous or anything but the idea of being with one guy right now is stupid to me. I know that there is more than one man in this world who can please me and teach me things. I feel right now that every guy that I talk to is not for me. I could tell that before anything popped off and when you get to that point, it makes you feel in control of what happens with your love life as well as your sex life. I feel in more control now than ever before. I feel like my life is on the right track right now. I've just made the decision to take the semester off of school to focus on what I really want to do and do a little soul searching. I really feel at peace about all most everything in my life even though I may have to struggle and endure hard times. I'm still strong enough to do it and that's all that matters. There is no more making excuses about why I can't do this or that. I feel focused and soon enough everyone in the world will know my name and what I'm all about. I am destined to do big things and nothing is going to stop that.

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Now playing: New Kids On The Block - Single
via FoxyTunes

Detergent to clean the mind

I feel like I needed to add a little something to the last blog that I posted. I feel as though some people may think that I've put too much faith into the idea of my tarot card reading and well I think that's not the case. It's just interesting to think about the situation and to honestly see if it was right. Sometimes I feel we are not that much in control of our lives as we think we are. I mean think about it, when we think of free will we think I have the power and will to do whatever I want. I thought so too but if you are religious and believe in God, is this really the case? Think about it, they say that God has our lives already planned out for us and that he knows our every move so does that mean that we actually have free will? That we've ever made a decision on our own? I don't know but that is something to think about. Sometimes I feel that I've studied religion so much that my faith is in question. This actually reminds me of The Colbert Report, I was watching it today on my phone and they had this guy on talking about intelligent design and he said the bible is a great religious telling but not a scientific telling. That one should not believe the bible as literal when it comes to certain aspects especially the one of creation. The idea that the bible is supposed to be scientific is not the case, it is just supposed to tell you how great God is and what he/she can do for you. This makes a lot more sense and leaves the mind something to ponder.

I've found some clean laundry

So, I happened upon some clean laundry and I am quite happy about it. I was walking on Bourbon with my sister and best friend when we came across a tarot card and palm reader. My sister asks me if I want to do and I agree. I sit and shuffle the cards and sit back for the ride of a tarot card reading. There are bits and pieces of the reading that stand out and that is what I will share with you guys tonight. The first thing that is crazy and really unbelievable is that he said why do you keep manipulating your family? I couldn't believe my ears and neither could my sister or my best friend. He says that I should manipulate myself in order to get ahead and motivate me. I understand this and take it in. Then, the next set he asks me what do I do that is creative. I tell him write and he says that this is what keeps me sane and helps me through which he is correct about. He then tells me that if I continue and grow my craft it will be lucrative in the long run. That's exciting news considering I want to be a writer but don't think that I'm good enough. He then goes on to tell me that I should not doubt myself that I should believe in what I can do. This is definitely something that I needed to hear because I never think that I am good enough to do anything. He also tells me that there will be opportunities that come my way that I will think are good for me but they are not and that opportunities will arise in a couple of weeks that will be better. This all seems good and like the typical bs you would hear and then he goes on to say that in August there will be two people in my life a stubborn overbearing older woman and stubborn bossy male around my age who will tell me to do something and that I should not listen to them no matter or else my life will start to go badly. I already have an idea of who the people are. He also tells me that some karma is going to be coming around my way and it can be taken either way and that maybe it is good or it could be bad, he says that it will be a boring time. This is just the general things he tells me, then I start to ask him specific questions about my life. The first thing I ask is will I find the love of my life in the next year or two and of course the answer is no. He says that I need to be patient and wait but when I find him, it will hit me like a ton of bricks and I will just know that he is the one. That seems kewl but I need to find out some more information about my professional life. I ask him will I move to the West coast because I had been thinking about it and he tells me no. He says that if I had family out there then I would but that since I don't I most likely will not move to the West coast. It seems I'm stuck in New Orleans for a little bit. The last thing I ask him is if I am going to find a job? He tells me that a woman who is older and like a mother who is very stubborn and passionate will help me find a job either working with her or near her. I know of nobody like this so I think but maybe I do? He said that if I do not know her now I will in the near future. I am amazed at the results of my reading. This is exactly what I needed, some clean pieces of laundry in order to get me through the day. I find it weird that earlier today I posted a blog about how lost I am and how I needed some advice and then I get my tarot cards done and everything I need to hear is told to me later that night. God has a plan for me after all, I just have to trust and believe and be reminded every once in a while. Maybe soon I will have a whole new bag of laundry that has been cleansed for that is sometimes exactly what the soul needs to make it through the day.

Finding clean laundry

I'm lost and now I'm trying to be found. I feel like when you have no clean clothes and you are searching to find just a few pieces of clothing that are clean just to make it out the door on time. I feel like all things in my life are falling apart. I can't seem to find the peace of mind that I am looking for or an apartment for that matter. It's just me wondering around searching for myself when I thought I had found myself such a long time ago. How do you constantly lose yourself when you know and feel like you have found yourself and your purpose? How can you be feel so alone but surrounded by so many people? This idea of being alone and wondering is heartbreaking but I think about and I feel like Jesus in a way. Not saying I am Jesus but just feel like him. I mean think about, how lonely do you think Jesus felt knowing all the information that he did and being able to do what he could do? I'm not saying I can do those same things but I mean he had to feel like he was wondering alone in the world. Maybe someone out there in the world who actually happens upon this blog can help me out and give me some good advice. I have been some advice on what my purpose is and what would make me happy and I believe I found it but it's actually no longer being afraid to do what it is that I want to do in order to find out if I good enough. Fear is the only thing that ever holds me back from doing what I want to do as well as what I need to do. How exactly does a person go about getting rid of fear and just being fearless? That's an answer that I've been searching for, what about you?

I've been laundry lost

I've been away from you for way to long but now I'm back and ready to rid the world of all the dirty laundry that's out there. Time has been good and bad to me at the moment. I've been having good guy moments but when it comes to family and friends, not so much. They are the last thing in the world I want to be dealing with right now. I can't stand them at the moment for lots of random reasons. Sometimes it is necessary for laundry to come up missing when you know it's time to let it go. I feel that way right now about more than one thing in my life and I'm sure all of you out there feel the same or at least have felt that way. Awww, it's great to be back hosting this laundry party for all my favorite people out there. Time has passed that I have become a completely different person in the process. I've realized I like money alot and if you can give it to me I like you a lot more. Don't think I'm a gold digger, that is what I'm not. I'm just saying if you act like you want to take care of me, then I'm going to let you. I also have been contemplating a lot about cheating and affairs. I think that it is a very interesting subject and very controversial because of how we have been conditioned, well us Americans, have been conditioned to think that infidelity is bad but honestly what makes it bad? The thing that makes it bad is when people get attached and fall in love with the person they are cheating with. When you cheat it's not because you are actively searching for a new lover to be with but rather you want something different and new to experience, to try. I don't see the big deal now that I've been through some things and been reading up on the subject. I mean honestly, think about it, do you really think there is one person in this world that can satisfy all of you in every aspect physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually? I don't believe so and I'm sure that many of you are in relationships or have been in relationships where you feel that someone else can satisfy you better than your significant other can. I'll leave ya'll with that bit of laundry to sort through. Until the next laundry day.

Lost pieces of laundry

I don't want to sound like a strawberry but it seems that men just love me and what can I say, I love men too. I've been in many situations that I wish would of turned out a little differently when it comes to men.For example, there was a guy I met through a friend, who I thought was quite attractive, and well lets just say that some other friends of mine thought he was quite attractive too. Me and this guy seemed to really hit it off, so one night we went out dancing with another one of my friends (this is one of my friends who liked him also) and when the night ended I wanted to spend a little more time with him, to get to know him better. I drop my friend off and proceed to go back to his place. We settle down on the bed and talk a little bit, then we decide to watch a movie, Snatch. The movie was way long but pretty good. He fell asleep but awoke when the credits started to role. We talked about the movie and what we loved doing and what we want to do when we graduate. Then some how we started kissing and it felt so good but I wanted to stop. We stopped but then I started it up again and we ended up doing a lot more than kissing. The next day I woke up and tell him bye and leave. I think you know it was a one night stand no big deal but I soon realize that I really have feelings for this person. Apparently, this person had feelings for me too but I did not find that out until it was too late. Some other friends of mine thought it was a good idea to try and sleep with this person too but he did not. He soon starts to think that I used him for sex because of my friends trying to sleep with him. I'm shocked, I actually really liked this guy but my friends being selfish and not respecting me and my relationship with this person ruined a potentially good thing. This happened my sophomore year of college and it is now my senior and I have yet to talk to this guy. It hurts a little because he is a really great guy that felt used and you know it actually surprised me. I couldn't believe a guy sometimes felt like a girl and felt used when it came to sex. It made me rethink how I viewed men and their quest for sex. Maybe you can have sex and make it work.

the third load of laundry

So, I'm thinking that I'm in a good place right now until a guy walks by that has hurt me in my past, present, and future. His name escapes my lips and brings me back to a place that I thought I left years ago. We used to be close but then something changed; maybe it was my fault or maybe it was his. This boy and I had a special moment not once, not twice, not even three times. Every moment he was around made the moment special, he just had that ability to melt my heart with his stare and stop my breathe when he smiled. I once let this boy know how I feel and he did not dismiss my feelings like I thought he would. He instead said, "Let's see what happens. You know nothing is ever certain." He then gives me a wink and we leave it at that.
Days start to go by that we don't talk or see each other, then those days turn to weeks, months, years. I start dating someone else and I'm happy then all of a sudden----I see him and how amazing he looks. He melts me like time has not robbed us of our time together. Days go by that I see him and talk to him everyday and then there are days and weeks, I don't see him at all but phase me, it does not. I'm happy with my man, I really am. I've been in my relationship for about 2 years and then things start to get rocky. I'm itching to be free so I start going out with my boys and living my life. I run into him at the club and it's like nothing has changed between us. I can't help but want him and I'm hoping he feels the same. We talk and I tell him of my dilemma. He schools me on how if I'm not happy then it's not worth it to stay and that taking a "break" is not the way to go. I understand and I know what I have to do. The break up does not happen as soon as it should but I'm partying and going out like I am single anyway. So, I'm out one night and there he is yet again stealing my breathe away. We talk and interact as though we are the only two around and then he invites me to his place. Score!!! but wait I'm not a single woman but this is the moment I've been waiting for and I'm not about to let this pass.
We get back to his place and play a little Tiesto to set the mood. The bed is so inviting to our bodies that are calling out to each other. I want to get out of my clothes, so I ask for a shirt and some boxers. I'm not afraid to show him exactly what I'm looking to do and what I want to happen. We both get comfortable in the bed and just talk and look at the time on the ceiling. Time starts to pass and it gets later and later. I let him know that I'm surprised that he even had feelings for me. He lets me know that he has been in love with me for years but was just afraid to tell me. I can't believe my ears. Could we finally experience the life we were supposed to have together? I let him know before anything goes any further that I'm not a single woman. He understands but I can tell he is hurt by the news. I, however, don't let that stop our night from ending the way I want it to. We turn and stare into each others eyes with such passion. I have not felt such passion in a long time, then the magic moment happens, we kiss and it is just like I imagined, heaven. We get lost in the moment and in the passion. It starts to get heavy, but I can't. I stop him even though I don't want the night to end. I leave him with sadness in my eyes and heart but he leaves me with a kiss I can't forget. This nights makes me realize, my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years must end.
My relationship ends and I think," Yes, I can finally be with the person that fuels my flame." I however ended up very disappointed. After my breakup, I talk to my lighter fluid and he seems different towards me. He does not talk as much and seems cold towards me. I don't understand so i let him know again that I am interested in pursuing a relationship and he does not turn me down, he agrees. I'm thinking, "Perfect." How wrong again I was. Right after he tells me this, he starts talking and flirting with another girl in front of me. I could not believe my eyes. How could he break my heart like this? I immediately leave and cry all the way home. The next day he finds out how heartbroken I am and decides to send me an apology. He explains how he can not give me what I want and need. This does not make sense. How can you tell me that you love me but don't want to pursue anything with me then I think that I've been used. He just said that to sleep with me, which hurts even more. Our situation to this day has not changed and it is still devastating. How can you lie to my face and lead me on to only deny me in the end? You never explained your feelings and why you can not give me what I want? Help me to understand.
Now, if this situation had actually happened what would you do? Can you explain his behaviour and is this the end of something that had the potential to be great? Situations like this arise way too often and the majority of the time the girl is the one who is lost and confused. In some situations though the guy is the one lost and confused. How do you deal with this? Do you think there is a way to get the other person to finally come clean and talk or is it really a lost cause and just lost pieces of laundry?

The second load of laundry

So here is the second load of laundry coming at you. So, at the moment I'm having a little bit of a falling out with a very good friend of mine who I consider one of my best friends. This occurred because I feel that I have always been there for him when he has been going through so much and yet he could not pick up the phone to see how I am doing and why I'm upset. I want to be friends with somebody who actually cares about our friendship and whether or not we talk. I know that the majority of you would want the same thing. I feel like this person has been taking our friendship for granted and I would just like for this person to acknowledge the fact that he needs to be better to his friends. In the past, he has had many falling outs with his friends and he has been devastated by it and just couldn't live without them but when it comes to me, the person that he has been friends with for 4 years, he is nowhere to be found. It's kind of sad for me and it really hurts my feelings but what can I do. I don't feel like I'm wrong in the situation and I just want him to be man enough to tell me what's up, you know? Well, there is nothing more I can say about the situation. Just know, that sometimes you have to cut people from your life who are not helping you improve yourself and who doesn't appreciate you. The only thing you can do is pray and know that God will take care of you in the end.

More Random Laundry

So more random laundry coming your way. This is not dirty laundry just clean fun clothes to look upon. I was having the most random dream today and it was about Lil Mama the rapper and she came up with this ridiculous song about doing her hair. Now, what makes this dream really weird is the fact that I had one similar to this one the day before. The only thing that makes the dream really weird is the fact that when there is dialogue, it is fantastic. It flows and make sense even if it is a song about doing hair. The thing that sucks is that when I'm awake though, I never write or think of anything that creative. It really is quite annoying. So, the question that I pose is how does one make a dream a reality or at least the dialogue a reality? Well, the closest thing that I found is lucid dreaming, which may or may not help my situation. Lucid dreaming is basically when a person is aware that they are dreaming and can alter their dreams however they want. Usually when a person uses lucid dreaming they use it to solve problems that they have in their life that they don't know how to handle in real life. If you find this idea to be interesting then there are books on lucid dreaming and there is a website that gives a little introduction on the subject. The site is http://self-improvement.readigg.com/description/12518.html. If you need more information than that then check out http://www.lucidity.com/ or just google lucid dreaming.

Random laundry

So I am very much upset at a piece of laundry that continues to dirty my thoughts and feelings. I feel as though I'm trying to make an effort to change my life and he finds the need to question how I must change my life. I've really been hanging out with myself a lot more lately and all of a sudden because I realize I want to hang out with myself, he feels like I'm being mean. Like I said before, the biggest mistake I ever made was having a guy take care of me. Never do it or if you do make sure you have some money stockpiled somewhere so you can leave him (that is if you want to). I'm no longer with this guy but he still pays for my bills and rent and whatnot. I know he's a great guy but I'm just trying to work on myself and my thought is that if you love me and care about me then you will understand my wanting to be alone and not around people all the time. He seems to think that I'm only nice to him when I want money but that's not true. I've always been nice and always want to know how he is doing but he never does the same yet he sees me as being mean? I know I'm only giving my side of the story and I hate bias stories so I'm just going to leave it at that. Take it or leave it and wear it or not but just keep in mind that independence is the best quality that anyone could have. Never ever depend on anyone cause in the end all you have is yourself.

The first load of laundry

When it comes to dirty laundry, I've got a lot, maybe even more than people realize. I hide my deeds better than most and very rarely do they ever come out. Sometimes, I want them too but it's better for the parties involved that this laundry stays in the bag. My deeds aren't too devious but I guess you could say some are. You be the judge of that. I just tell the stories that people want to hear. All of these situations are not about me and don't alway involve me. Sometimes the loads will flow and sometimes they won't but you know laundry never does. I hope you don't get too caught up in the wash cycle like all the others before because my cycle moves faster than most.