The cleanest laundry I've ever seen part deux

The picture that is supposed to go along with this post is here: http://picasaweb.google.com/eclecticmusicmag

The cleanest laundry I've ever seen

This will be one of the most upbeat and uplifting blogs you will see me write. My day started off a little rough and I was a mix of emotions. At times I felt like an emotional wreck but then there were those moments I felt fine. Either way the day was just a mess. I ended up at Loyola around 4:30 sitting outside in smokers alley and it was the perfect atmosphere to write and get things down on paper. I proceed to start working on this idea, when all of a sudden the wind starts blowing just right and the sun was the right temperature on my face. I suddenly look off into the distance and see what seems like part of a rainbow but it couldn't be I say. I was wrong. I focus my eyes and follow the colors and see the faintest hint of a rainbow in an arch over the sun. I can't believe how beautiful it is and it touches me. We all have a tendency to have a fascination with rainbows but this felt like God was smiling at me, letting me know that everything will be okay. I couldn't help but smile and then chuckle to myself. I've been so wrapped up in how much love hurts and how I could never give my love to another person but this moment changes all of that. God was saying to me that you are worth it even if he thinks you are not. I have someone who does think I'm worth and always has. How could I even look anywhere else? I had to be reminded by a miracle in my eyes. Miracle in the sense that this rainbow was there for only a minute or two and I was the only one who noticed it. I captured it in my thoughts, in my words, in a picture to share with the rest of you. Believe in miracles and expect them to happen. Expect the unexpected. All those things people tell you to do, the universe reminds you in some way everyday. You just have to be willing to take notice and embrace it and it can take you to places you never expected. Am I still angry about him? You damn straight but not because of being in love. Am I still lost a little? Of course but you have to be lost to find exactly what you need. There is a reason why September is my favorite month, even though it brings with it hell, it reminds me of things I've lost sight of. Such as how important friendships are and how love hurts. How people will disappoint the hell out of you but at the same time surprise you. I've said that my life is making its way to perfection and I mean every word. My life has had its ups and downs but this year has brought me closer to my goals than ever before. So I don't mind the pain and hurt because it causes for the smallest things to bring you right back where you need to be.

Is this dirty or clean?

I feel weird in the sense that I'm over it but I'm not. Over you because I have to be, need to be. Over you because it is about time to be but I miss you as my friend and just want that back but then I think too much and fall back. Love has me twisted and I can't get straight. Thinking when you say I love you it means you are in love because yeah we are or rather we once were. But now you are acting funny and playing games which can only mean one of two things. Really it can only mean one thing that you just aren't that into me and you never were. Going along with things because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. I'm tired of writing about this and thinking about this. I know y'all are tired of reading about this, so I'm trying to make this it. The last time I mention it. I'm not even hurt anymore just sad that I don't have my friend. I'm tired and can't keep rehashing this is the end or the beginning of something new. Hopefully it is not the last time I talk to you.

Can laundry be leftover?

September is my favorite month because it is that month of change. These first three days have been out of control though but I realized it is just residual energy from August. I can't get down about things that I know have a positive ending. Yeah maybe he has to go see about a girl but you know what he can. Hell I can go see about a boy. Surprisingly I am not mad just hurt because we can't talk about stuff. That's the point of being friends right is to tell each other stuff but my whole problem with that is the fact that he wants me to be there. To be with him and Roux but I can't have an answer to a simple question. Maybe I'm asking too much. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that I'm questioning the things he has already told me time and time again. Either way I can never leave him alone as much as I want to and I don't believe he wants me to leave him alone. I might for a little while though to see if I can handle it but I doubt it. At the end of the day I am happy and can't let these three days affect the outcome of September and plus I have a trip to New York to plan.

Shit just got dirty

At the end of the day I'm the best you ever had. I fuck you so good and hell my head game is beyond tight. You miss this softness in between your dick. You love it when I ride you like a pogo stick. I already know what this is and hell if you were a damn freak in the bed we would already spell marriage because it's my face you see when you fucking in these streets and no one will ever come close to what I can do. Let me know, is she worth it to you?

One more damn piece of laundry

Silence is golden they say but in this instance it cuts like a knife. Harder to say what is real and hurt my feelings the right way instead of leading me down a road that I don't want to be on. My mind is replaying conversations where it seemed the love was real where we were together but not. Played myself again. Backed myself into a corner. Slowly, quietly I mourn for something I never really got. This isn't about you but about me. I am in pain because I let you get to me. I should of trusted how I felt ignored your advances and been by myself. Now, I'm stuck in love with you wanting it to be no more. To be as cold and heartless as you are. Who am I kidding? I'm just mad as hell but I know karma is putting me in jail.

CRM laundry

I've come a long way to go back to this now. I've been through this before but it seems harder this time around. Maybe its because deep down I know you feel like I do but you just have a better way of hiding it. I used to be like that but when it comes to you all that goes out the window. I feel lost in your embrace, your eyes, you lost in my legs and my thighs. We are intertwined more than we thought. Closer together in our souls than ever expected. Maybe I'm just kidding myself and seeing things and feeling feelings that aren't really there. Our relationship has never been defined. We have never had that dialogue that is needed to keep this from happening. Now I'm lost in this world wondering if what I'm feeling is right and if at the end of the night it's me that you think of, holding me tight. Tell me for once am I the one? You told me before that I was worth it but I think you forgot. Come back to me and remember so I will always have you no matter the reason or season. I know this is getting old but I have to get it out because I can't tell you how I really feel until I know that what you told me once is real. You fear the unknown and what we are. You fear knowing that you have my heart a lot deeper and stronger than I have yours or maybe it's my fear that is holding you back. Ugh, I'm done rehashing all these old thoughts and facts. Fuck it you love me you told me that. So what's so hard about everything else? Forget the distance, forget the pain, forget the calls, forget the texts all you need to do is remember everything else. That feeling you felt when we were together. How we seemed to melt when around each other. You've always been bad at expressing your feelings but this time you need to let me know so I can finally be with you or let you go.