Old laundry, new laundry; always the same.

Sometimes I can be a little needy well more than a little. I'm a little high maintenance and a little bit of a pain. I nag too much and have a tendency to complain but if you can deal with all that then I know that I've found my man. Maybe I'm a little bit crazy and overemotional but I do it not because I want to. I'm afraid of what it will mean if I lose you but it's just me pushing you away because I'm afraid of commitment. Can't stand the idea of being with someone for so long but then I fall in love and want to stay that way forever. However, the pain comes back because he didn't understand or wouldn't or couldn't. He just didn't get me didn't want to see past all those imperfections and love me imperfectly. I blame myself when really it's not about me. It has nor will it ever be about my happiness, no it should be about our happiness. When together we can take on the world and hell we did it but it was only for a moment, a quick fleeting minute. You ran and never looked back. Never wanted me to keep up or keep track. Instead you left me behind wondering where you went and I'm wondering still will you ever look back, try and come and get me to lead me with you instead of leaving me in the distance. Come back to me just for a second so I can see what it feels like to leave you cold and broken and used. To say I love you and make you look like a fool. To run away without giving any answers and leaving you bruised and asking why? Will that make anything right? No, but it will make me feel a hell of a lot better. To make you understand what it means to have a broken heart and wonder if you can ever be okay to love again completely without feeling like running away. To love so deeply that you feel their soul. To understand that it isn't about two separate beings but us as one. To understand the true meaning of what it means to be in love.