Oh Laundry Day, How I Dread Thee

I have so many dirty clothes it's about time to get them clean. I am going through one of the roughest times I've ever had in my life. I promise I cry everyday but not for the reason you think. Yes, I feel so alone but I'm sad because I've lost so much and gained so little. The person I love the most left me; well, it's complicated. We broke up for like 2 weeks and then got back together and everything was fine. I thought we were happy but then we got into this huge fight and everything changed after that. He started acting distant but he didn't talk to me about it, he just thought it was good idea to let me continue to think we were back together considering we both talked about it and agreed we were back together. Obviously, I was mistaken instead we were "just acting" like we were back together. Do you know how much that hurt that you would think that you can't even be truthful with me about something this important. You say you love me and I am one of the most important people in your life yet you can't even let me know when you feel different. I can't read minds or moods. I've always been open about how I feel. From the very first time we met I always told you I liked you and you gave me that same response. After 2 years I was done. I couldn't do it anymore but like always better late then never. You realized what you wanted the moment I was over you but it seems like that's always the case. Our minds and feelings are never as one. When I am so in love and happy with you, you are not with me but the moment you are happy I'm miserable it seems. Why can't we ever be on the same page? I love you now more than ever and you seem to love me less. Maybe it's just too many people telling you what you should do instead of you listening to your heart or maybe it's karma catching up with me. There are way too many reasons why our relationship hasn't worked in the past and it's because we both can't get past the issues that we have with each other. The moment we forgive each other for all past aggressions and move forward instead of always looking back, we will be where we need to be, where we should be. Our fate depends on it. I called it from the start that you would be the one that I marry but we are so far away from that. Life without you seems meaningless or maybe just a little unbearable. No matter what happens I love you and I am trying to be better but I know why I can't love you right now, why we never work. I have lost myself and I haven't found my way back. I am no longer the woman you fell in love with. You've taken care of me for so long and I want that to end. The moment I can be by myself and take care of myself will be when our relationship will be like the beginning. I do question though why we think that our relationship has failed when in all actuality the beginning of a relationship is all we know. When anyone ever writes or talks of love they always remember the beginning but the moment that the infatuation passes, we all get lost because no one ever seems to get that far to write about it, to immortalize it in writing, in words, in song. We must look past the beginning and find our way through the middle and not question whether it is right or wrong because who really knows if it's right or wrong. We can't let other people dictate how we feel or how our relationship should be. We should never compare our love to others because we all love different. When you are in love you know it but anyone can convince themselves they are in love but it's the moment that love subsides that we have to find out if we are just too intertwined to ever see ourselves apart.