Brand New Laundry Old Dirt

So, I've been a bad girl and getting dirty by things of the past. I really think I might kind of be addicted to something that I never in my life thought I would be. It's amazing what something good will do to you. I've also got some new laundry but in the process of getting it dirty already. I am in a relationship if you can call it that. I lost my best friend in the process who also happened to be my ex-boyfriend. I miss him more than I ever thought I would. 4 years thrown away because he couldn't handle me sleeping with someone else which I guess is understandable since he's still in love with me. I never meant to hurt him in anyway and I feel terrible. Everyday I think about him and my heart breaks all over again. I guess I love him more than I realize. It's like the Jazmine Sullivan song, "I Need You Bad." That amazes me but this is what he wanted so he can get over me and I can respect that. Now, this new guy is pretty amazing but I really don't want to be in a relationship. I know the only reason why I am with him is because he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years to be with me. I, however, am at a point in my life where I only want to be by myself and date around. I don't want to be promiscuous or anything but the idea of being with one guy right now is stupid to me. I know that there is more than one man in this world who can please me and teach me things. I feel right now that every guy that I talk to is not for me. I could tell that before anything popped off and when you get to that point, it makes you feel in control of what happens with your love life as well as your sex life. I feel in more control now than ever before. I feel like my life is on the right track right now. I've just made the decision to take the semester off of school to focus on what I really want to do and do a little soul searching. I really feel at peace about all most everything in my life even though I may have to struggle and endure hard times. I'm still strong enough to do it and that's all that matters. There is no more making excuses about why I can't do this or that. I feel focused and soon enough everyone in the world will know my name and what I'm all about. I am destined to do big things and nothing is going to stop that.

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